Hitting the Broad Side of the SS
Catch" bellowed Mighty Darren of Admin as he threw a hefty Meteor at Ben the Butterfingers of Admin. Alas, his omnipresent perception was befuddled by Darren's toss, as the Meteor sailed just short of its target and slipped ominously through Ben's hands. Together they peeked through the clouds to watch the meteor fall perilously towards Valorn.
Ben, glanced angrily at Darren and muttered something about throwing like an enchanter, who quickly recanted about poor depth perception in the cosmos. The two continued to bicker, as startled Valornians watched in horror– The giant rock flew towards their land– recounting times past when meteors struck Milltown and the Dark Forest.
"If you break another window, I'm not paying for it this time," exclaimed Ben. However, the celestial stone managed to fair a bit better than that as it demolished the entire Shrouded Sun Office!
Thankfully, all of the staff was off looking for snacks when the disaster struck… all except Radney the Horoscope Columnist. The Shrouded Sun staff hopes all adventurers will take a moment of silence for poor Radney, who was ironically predicting heavy rain in his near future.
~ Cerberus
Godly Gossip: A Match Made in Cory's Plane?!
Long have droves of libidinous Inn Zombies swooned at sight of the particularly pleasingly pawed rogue, Jimmy Kitten. But, now it would seem the fetching feline adventurer has even been found in the fancy of a divine suitor who openly finds her all but "too cute."
In related news, sad will be the day Jeffrey the Innkeeper catches wind of the fact he must now contend with Darren of Admin for Jimmy Kitten's affection.
~ Cerberus
Health Inspector Laments Stench: Perhaps the True Arôme de Fleur
Where once stood the magnificent building of the Shrouded Sun Headquarters, now lies a festering crater of pungent green gas. While most could care less of the aromatic flavor about an ill-used path, Fleur, the self proclaimed Health Inspector of Valorn, is "actually really, genuinely upset."
She pleaded with the gods to dispel the smell citing, "Our guild hall is just past it, having been chosen because of the sentimental value to us in having it near the SS offices, and it isn't pleasant to walk past a noxious, poisonous, possibly fatal hole on the way there."
The gods were thoroughly bewildered by her appeal. As she feel to her knees in orison and raised her arms in praise, onlookers got a full whiff of her sorrow and retreated pondering another source for the unpleasant scent.
However, if the pungent smell is such a bother, one would wonder if Ixon, the Perhaps Not So Sly, hadn't observed that not only did the guild hall plot he chose lay in the shadow of the regal Shrouded Sun Offices but downwind from a bovine pasture, as well.
~ Cerberus
Mapping the Charity of Crows
All of Valorn felt the loss when the Map Vault shuttered its doors. Alas, they were without benefactor, and Cerberus could ill-afford to keep his supply of ruffled, out of date maps on decaying parchment on view for the public.
However, the merry madonnas of the Murder of Crows were kind enough to allow Cerberus to post copies of the works of Valornians past on the shutters of carts in their Caravan. So, once again new adventurers can happily follow the guidance of the Map Vault to get properly lost, rather than random walk about hoping to lose their way.
~ Cerberus
