Spit Shine Sugar Daddy

A many a new adventurer hath known the pleasure of being accosted by Valorn's crassest and most shirtless philanthropist. He bursts into Dundee Inn like Sylent One from a Cannon, and forces his kindness upon his hapless victims.

Toady Bootlicker, the benevolent berater of Inn Zombies, has been seen on numerous occassions demanding to see a novice adventurer's weapon in Jeffrey's Inn, only to rustle deep from his throat a hefty wad of salivous juices, spit on the weapon, and return a gleeming, superior, slightly gooey armament.

Yet, there is more to Toady than lavious charity. For as pure and drool-ladden as his gifts may be, he rants with an ironic tilt, "The matter is the citizens sit in this foul hole [Dundee Inn], drinking and telling their sob-stories when they should be out trying to seek revenge on the tormentors of this land." But, where is it Toady is most oft seen? And, where is it he doth seek out his beneficiaries?

So, Inn Zombies, keep watch for Toady Bootlicker, the man more irritable than a N'rolav Beast whom dribbles a fair bit more than one, too. Proud be the wielder of his gifts, for as he would say, "a wet blade cuts keener than a dry one."

~ Cerberus

Un Arôme de Fleur

Steelthunder's Tomb of Islander the Fallen is a stunning blend of sweeping strings and melodic harmonies, perfectly capturing the atmosphere inherent in the title's namesake. The sensuous flowing style is reminiscent of the Golden Age with a modern twist, while the mood change that occurs when the violins complicate the rhythm is highly evocative - although the ending seems slightly abrupt and would perhaps benefit from extension. This is an interesting and aurally visual work that is highly recommended

~ Fleur

A Vapid Valorn

"It is dusk, and all is well!" doth shout the Town Crier. But, there is trouble upon the horizon for the Shrouded Sun.

As we have found it increasingly difficult to produce arousing, accurate, and apocryphal articles in recent months, we are left to ponder has Valornian life become so dull, there is nothing worth print? Or, is it that the quixotic reporting staff of the Shrouded Sun has exhausted all the newsworthy stories in Valorn?

The Bromodic Hills, which roll pleasantly with their trite grasses along the base of the magestic Shrouded Sun offices, are the most lackluster discovery yet. One is left to wonder, are the gods sending us a subliminal message that they too have been jaded by Valorn? Or are they just echoing the sentiments of this paper in that the people who populate it are exceedingly borish?

~ Cerberus

Ask Balthazar

Dear Balthazar,

I recently asked someone to marry me, but they refused. Now I feel dejected. What meaning does my life have now?

~ Heartbroken Hero

Dear Smitten Sap,

None.

~ Da B

Dear Balthazar,

What makes the Shrouded Sun so great?

~ Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,

Me.

~ Da B

Corrections

In reply to Thorin's article on warriors: "Warriors are not really that big. It's the armor that makes us thus." ~ Franciso Ferdinandez

We would like to rescind our asseration that Warriors are big, and hereby have it known that they are solely dumb.

~ The SS Staff