Frequently Asked Questions

"How often does the SS come out?"
Well... the first issue came out... then 2 weeks later the second come out... then a day later the third came out... then a year later the fourth... 2 more days for the fifth... basically... whenever Cerberus feels like it.

"Does Balthazar really write the advice column?"

"Can I be on the staff?" Probably not.
"Will Balthazar answer my questions?" Probably not.
"Will you do an article about me?" Probably not.
"Can I submit a story?" Probably not.

"What is your snack time schedule?"
Well, depends. Sometimes we have one big snack break that lasts all day, and sometimes we like to split them up into smaller, bite-size portions.

"Just how many snack times do you have?"
*jelly stain on paper* How many digits are in pi?

"Do you make up any of the news you report?"
These are not the droids you are looking for.
"These are not the droids we are looking for."
Damn, we're good. *high five*

"How much do staffers make?"
About as much as Ben for Worldbuilding.

"Do you earn any money for the paper?"
Have you seen our office?!
Well yeah... how'd you afford it?
Condemned buildings are ripe for squatting.

"Who is Alpha Betsoup?"
Our staffed paparazzi.

"Why is Thorin 'Dutch'?'
Because his parents were.

"Who is the Third Ear?"
Have you ever wondered what was under another adventurer's helmet?

"Will my papers be delivered on time?"
HAHAHAHA. You are a funny funny little man. Want a job?
"Really?" Probably not.

"Does Grimoire Inc. endorse your paper?"
Well Cory enjoys them, and Ben hasn't sent us a cease and desist yet...

"Why are there so many errors in your papers?"
Check the name on the Editor's door.

"What field does Venus actually report from?"Stalker.
"Where's your office?"Stalker.
"Is Ixon really a paper boy?" Stalker...err...Pedophile

"How did you become the first paper in Valorn?"
Cerberus needs a life.

"How many people does Cerberus actually employ?"

"Why is the paper a Cerbie's Grill affiliate?"

"How come Cerberus has two buildings and a booth in Valorn and I don't get any?"
*leafing through manila envelope and giggling* Admins are fickle creatures... *over shoulder* Ixon have you seen this one yet?!! HAHAHAHA

"Why doesn't the menu at Cerberus's Grill ever change?"
Getting a little off topic aren't we?
"uhh... my bad"

"What's with Wil?"
What isn't?

"I would like a numer 2 value meal with a large fry..."
A F F I L I A T E: affiliate.

"What are the benefits of being an employee?"
Ixon: Erm...uh...benefits? Cerberus: Having a job...